I have spent my life striving for perfection. Perfect grades. The right number on the scale. The perfect car. The perfect relationships. My reach for perfection started at a young age, I remember crying at the thought that my letters were not perfectly straight. Perfection was a way for me to control my life as a young child, adolescent, and into my adulthood. As a child of divorce, this is typical. I didn’t want to be a bother to my parents and I wanted to make life easier, so I made sure they didn’t have to worry about me. But perfection can wear on you. It can alter your brain into thinking that you are not good enough. It can be damaging to the overall psyche. As I grow older, and maybe wiser, I realize that perfection is not something that is attainable and it will only hurt me in the long run. It will make living life in a positive manner impossible.
I have come to the conclusion that perfection is a word only known in fairytales. I now strive to find the beauty in the imperfections; I look for the beauty in my life. I look for the beauty in the messy, in the chaotic, in the real. As I grow older I no longer want to be in the race for being the best, smartest, prettiest. I no longer want to compete with the “Joneses”. I want to live life with freedom. I want to live life knowing that imperfection is okay. I want to live life knowing that imperfection is beautiful.
My imperfect life was a bit crazy this week. Trying to juggle being a professor, being a caretaker, and a mama is exhausting. This week stretched me a bit. I find that during these weeks my brain is a bit foggy, my body a bit sluggish, and I have a hard time staying in the moment. God is very present during these times. He helps to keep me grounded. He helps me to find the beauty amidst the chaos and not dwell on the fact that I was not “perfect” this week.
Seeley trying on Papa’s mask before he went into surgery (Scott had his gj-tube replaced and the original one removed, let’s hope the hole closes up on its own!) — Seeley is going to be very knowledgeable about the medical field when he gets older!
Enjoying some much needed R&R at the family cabin for the evening– Seeley loves the fire!
I am looking forward to a calmer week — one that is filled with some rest, one that doesn’t involve Stanford or surgery, and one that doesn’t involve overbooking myself with work commitments. Here’s to a peaceful week, I hope yours is too!
Breathing in the imperfections,