I find that when Scott is in the hospital my mind needs to stay busy, if not, the negative thoughts start racing through my brain; is he going to be alright? Is he feeling lonely? Am I going to get the call that they are putting him on the transplant list? I become stressed and the anxiety takes over. I am no longer present. I am no longer there for Scott or Seeley. I am overwhelmed. I can no longer see the big picture. I can no longer see how God is working in me and through me in these circumstances. I can no longer visualize the good. I am reminded of this verse.
Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up. Proverbs 12:25
So I stay busy. I refuse to let my brain take me down that road. I refuse to weigh down my heart with the “what if’s” of life. I spend my time doing chores, cleaning the house, doing all the laundry, taking Seeley to the park. This always helps to keep me in a positive mood, but the best thing is to hop in the car and see Scott.
So that’s exactly what we did on Sunday! We spent the morning with him, taking a short walk, reading some stories, and playing cars (Seeley’s favorite!). It was just what we all needed, a family day. I love being able to do this, but it makes for a very exhausting day on my end. 3 hours of driving and a child who only naps in the car for 45 mins. Ugh. If only teleportation actually existed….
Love these boys! This is my happy.
The week continues…
Monday was surgery day for Scott. He has been having issues with his g-tube leaking liquids/stomach acid (and it can be very painful!) so in order for them to rectify the problem they decided to replace it with a gj-tube (which he will need for transplant). Well this is the fourth surgery in the past two months and it is still leaking! Their solution? Punch a new hole in his stomach and start over. Craziness! This surgery went well and so as of right now he has two holes. Once the new one has healed, in 4-6 weeks, they will take the tubing out of the old hole and cross their fingers that it will close up on its own — if not he will need another surgery. Such a pain! Scott has been such a trooper through all of this, especially as half of these surgeries have been done in the hospital and I was unable to be there. Makes me feel sick to think about it. What kind of wife doesn’t attend her husbands surgery? Gosh I feel horrible. I have no other words to express the guilt I feel over this, so let’s move on. Luckily I married a very strong and courageous man. A man who always puts his families needs first and understands the need for consistency in Seeley’s life, good rest, and to be in a child centered environment (not a hospital waiting room). I am so lucky that Seeley will learn from such a wonderful, kind, and caring man. How did I ever get so lucky?!
Here is Scott’s new gidgy gadget…
Tuesday Scott finally got out of the hospital, but before we could pick him up we had to take one of our little doggies to the vet. I noticed last week that her eye looked a little glassy and began to worry that she might be going blind. The vet ruled out several things, like high eye pressure, glaucoma, and a scratch, and is now referring us to a doggy ophthalmologist to see what might be causing the issue. Who knew dogs had eye specialists?! And how much is this going to cost us?! On the ride home I was joking with Scott, but I don’t think I can handle a crazy toddler, a disabled husband, and a blind dog! Haha.
So, now that Scott is home hopefully life will slow back down for a bit. Scott will still be doing IV antibiotic treatments for the next ten days along with all his usual treatments, but after that let’s pray that he gets a reprieve from the hospitals for a few weeks. He so desperately needs a little “normal” in his life and to be honest, so do I, especially with the new semester starting up next week.
Thank you all for your love and support while going through this hospitalization — I never imagined anyone other than my Mom would read my blog (love you Mom!), so thanks. I truly appreciate your input, thoughts, and praises. Writing this blog is such a wonderful release for me. It enables me to process the emotions I am feeling and allows me to move forward. Thank you for joining me on my journey.